An Open Letter To My College Best Friends

I’ll be the first to admit that I make friends way too easily. Sometimes my people-pleasing nature is my greatest weakness. Wanting everyone to be my friend or at least have good feelings about me was something I really struggled with in high school. I knew meeting friends my freshman year of college wasn’t going to be hard because I basically consider everyone I meet a friend. However, I had no idea what a true group of friends looked like until I met mine.

In high school, I tried so hard to find “my people.” I never felt like I belonged with a particular group because, in all honesty, I didn't want to settle. I didn’t want to feel like I was stuck in a group that didn’t fully accept me for all that I am (because let’s be honest…I am a lot to handle). Towards the end of senior year, I finally found my people…but then we all went our separate ways. My expectations for college were nothing different. I expected to be closest with the girls from my high school and branch out only when they were busy. I never expected the joy you all would bring to my life.

So, this one is for you.

When I moved in, I knew I didn’t want to be there. It was something that held me back for so long, even if I never explained the true reason to you all. Seeing everyone so happy and comfortable was hard because that was usually how I felt. Whether you realized it or not, you girls were the only reason I didn’t leave within the first two months. You saw me at my absolute most vulnerable state and still stayed, regardless of the short amount of time we had known each other.

I would like to sincerely apologize for how much I complained the first semester. I found every reason to not allow myself to like where I was at, and I am sorry if I brought you down in the process. The fact that that was the first impression many of you got from me is honestly quite embarrassing. But you never left.

Upon leaving high school, I never thought I could find people who I connected with as much as my high school best friends. I also thought I would never have a group of friends because of the drama I saw them cause in high school. You all quickly proved me wrong. You took each other in like we had known each other a lifetime. You showed me what true friendship was and how it could function in a group. You showed me that friendship is soft, kind, and easy. You made friendship so simple, yet so rewarding. We saw each other at our best and at our absolute worst and not once was our friendship ever questioned. I will forever be grateful for all of our late-night talks, pizza orders, and family dinners. You guys truly made me realize what it felt like to be a part of something…to belong.

Another thing I would like to thank you for is for supporting me no matter what. Never have I ever had friends who were my biggest fans and cheerleaders. You took me for who I was and followed me every step of the way. I cannot think of anyone else I would’ve rather had with me when I reached a milestone in my YouTube career. You were the first comments, the first readers, and the first ones to share anything I did. In high school, I was scared to express myself on my channel and blog, but you all brought out a different part in me.

Towards the end of our year together, I can’t help but reflect on all of the steps I have taken in life with you all by my side. When I decided to transfer, you didn’t drop me. You encouraged me to go after my dreams with the assurance that our friendship wouldn’t go anywhere. When a visit with Charlie would end, you would comfort me and give me the space and time I needed to recover. Even though it was unsaid most of the time, you understood what I needed and when I needed it. Sometimes, you even understood me more than I understood myself.

The time has come that I never knew would be this hard - the time for me to say goodbye to this short-lived time as your neighbors. I never thought I could form these types of friendships so fast. It is hard to believe we have only known each other for a short 9 months. But, those are 9 months that have shaped me into who I am today. Even though we won’t be down the hall from each other, I can promise you that I will only be a short drive away. I hope you know that I truly value each and every one of you for different reasons. The genuine love you have shown me at the most confusing, yet necessary time of my life has shown me the true meaning of a friend. I want to cherish each and every one of these last few days with each other. Yes, it will be hard for me to see you all together next year without me, and I apologize if I ever come off as rude - just know that it is out of sadness that I am not with you all along the way.

I wish I would’ve realized the value of having you all around 24/7 sooner.

I wish I would’ve told you all I loved and appreciated you more than I did.

I wish I wouldn’t have stayed in my room all of those nights I did.

But it is too late for all of that. Now all I can say is “thank you.”

Thank you for being my one and only group of college friends. Thank you for making this transition easy. Thank you for spending endless nights with me, while I cried my eyes out over stuff that didn’t matter. Thank you for being down to do crazy things on Mondays like making cookies or walking to the square or laying on the hammock instead of doing homework. Thank you for all of the coffee dates and friendship bracelets. Thank you for coming to my stupid presentations and for helping me critique my work. Thank you for choosing my thumbnails and supporting my obsession with aesthetics. Thank you for going to church with me and making my family proud of the friends I have ended up with. Thank you for loving my family like your own. Thank you for helping me grow in my faith without knowing my past. Thank you for encouraging me to do what I need, even when it involves leaving you all. Thank you for sharing your freshman year with me and for making me feel so important in all of your lives. Thank you for forcing me out of my comfort zone and making me a better version of myself.

I had no idea what I was missing before I met you. You were good to me, when I wasn't good to myself.

You are the kind of friends I have always dreamed of. You’re mine, and I will forever be yours - no matter where we are.

I am so blessed.

Thank you.