Finding Jesus
It has been a few weeks since I officially gave my life to Christ and was baptized. Taking that step in my faith has already been life changing. Reflecting on how I got to this point, I can’t help but noticed everything that was standing in the way of my perfect relationship with Jesus. The odds were not stacked up in my favor. The mere fact that I had not grown up going to church every Sunday made me believe I was unworthy of salvation. Now, I am able to see that it was so ignorant of me to have this way of thinking. When I realized He was willing to meet me where I was, that is when I found Jesus. With that being said, for all of those imperfect Christians just like me who believe they are undeserving of their own salvation, this is for you.
I didn’t grow up reading the Bible.
I wasn’t a frequent Sunday school goer.
I did not have a church I called my own past age 3.
But I still found Jesus.
I went to VBS as a kid, but didn’t understand it.
I was invited to churches of different denominations.
I didn’t know which religious denomination to fill in on my SAT questionnaire.
But I still found Jesus.
I fell short of God’s glory.
I often times felt like I was the farthest away from God I could possibly be.
I compared my relationship with God to those of my friends who were “ideal Christians.”
But I still found Jesus.
I didn’t know the “right way” to pray.
I felt like I didn't belong with my perfect Christian friends.
I felt unqualified.
But I still found Jesus.
I strayed from God…a lot.
I did things under my own control.
I doubted His will for my life.
But I still found Jesus.
I felt as if my relationship wasn’t official enough.
I believed I needed to know Bible stories to be a Christian.
I thought that I needed to be at a perfect place to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
But I still found Jesus.
I attended a church camp with my friend and was saved, but felt unworthy of baptism.
I was scared to tell my testimony because I didn’t think I had one.
I feared being baptized into a church I had only went to for months at a time.
But I still found Jesus.
I found Jesus when I knew my relationship with Him was just that - mine.
I found Jesus when I realized He would meet me where I was, even if that wasn’t in a church every Sunday.
I found Jesus when I figured out I can’t do this all alone.
I found Jesus when I wasn’t striving for a perfect relationship.
I found Jesus when I finally came to terms with the fact that I didn’t have to know everything about Him and all I needed to know was His love for me.
I found Jesus when I openly expressed my faith.
I found Jesus when I made Him a priority.
I found Jesus when I let go of my fear of perfection.
I found Jesus when I realized He loves my messiness.
I found Jesus when I became aware of how reckless He is for loving a sinner like me.
I found Jesus when I accepted the fact that I will never be worthy of His love, but He loves me anyway.
I found Jesus when I acknowledged His perfect, undeserving Grace.
I found Jesus when I lost my direction.
I found Jesus when I questioned my own life purpose.
I found Jesus when I was broken down in the middle of a situation I let control my life for too long.
I found Jesus when I needed Him the most.
As you can see, I was ( and still am) far from the perfect Christian. Knowing that, I felt unworthy, undeserving, and too distant from God’s grace. I didn’t feel like I was qualified as a Christian. I never got to the point of questioning my faith, but I questioned my purpose. I always told myself to let go and let God, but to be honest, that was terrifying. Being the independent person I am, I often times feel like I could do it on my own. I wanted to control my plan, and the unknown scared me. When things went wrong, I blamed myself. I finally realized that I didn’t need this. I needed a Savior. I needed a purpose. I needed to be freed of my sins and doubts.