Life Changes: College, Relationship, Traveling, etc.
Hello, everyone. If you have checked the blog anytime within that past few months, you would have noticed the lack of something: me.
To be honest, I am at a completely different stage in life than I was when I started Blissfully Sydney. I had great intentions of using this as a connection to my other social medias, but honestly I have been slacking on those as well. After much consideration and a burst of energy to do something with this blog, I have decided that I don’t care about numbers or who reads this - I need this for myself. I need this as an outlet because writing has always proven to be therapeutic for me.
Since I last posted about my life, I have endured a lot of changes in my life (hence why this is called life “changes” instead of something more generic like life “update”). I have since traveled alone for my first time to England to visit Charlie, moved 11 minutes from home into my college dorm, started my freshman year of college, and created a completely new circle of friends. All of these things have been in the midst of me figuring out a lot about who I am as an individual, friend, girlfriend, and family member.
In July, I did something I never thought I’d do before I met Charlie - travel across the world…by myself. I set out on the trip of a lifetime and fell in love with everything there is to traveling, England, and getting to know the place and people Charlie calls “home.” I was instantly intrigued by the simplicity of the British lifestyle. Seeing the little school kids running around in their uniforms and walking almost every filled me with a sense of joy I have never felt before. The fact that I was able to visit and experience 15 different cities/villages in a 21 day period was astonishing. It opened my eyes to just how diverse England was and how much beauty Charlie overlooks that is right in front of him. The leisure of hopping on a train for a day trip to London made my wanderlust desires even stronger. The people I met while I was there were some of the most genuine individuals I have ever met, and it was so nice to finally meet Charlie’s family. I can go into more details about the trip in a different post, but long story short - England changed my perspective on life completely and exceeded every expectation I could have ever had.
Shortly after my return to the U.S., I packed up my life into the back of an SUV and moved into college. I thought the proximity to home would provide me with a little more comfort, but my constant state of anxiety and stream of tears the night before and day of would prove otherwise. For the first two weeks, no one else was on campus besides athletes. This gave me a false sense of security and of what college would really be like. I actually had time to myself, time to eat, and time to focus on things other than homework.
When the day came for official move-in and welcome week started, I made friends really quickly. It was almost overwhelming how quickly my friend group grew. I knew I would make friends but not so many at one time that I still call my people. We owe it all to one of us knowing someone who knew someone who had class with someone who also knew someone…you know how that goes.
Now, with the first term under my belt, I can truly say I have grasped a better idea of who I am and who I want to be. It took a lot of panic attacks and calls with my mom, but I am happy that I have realized where I need to be. A few things I have learned are as follows:
I am a very anti-social, social person.
In high school, I never had time to socialize. When I would get home from dance, it was homework time and bedtime. Weekends were my only options for social time. Being able to separate school and social life was something I never knew I needed. I have learned that I am not the type to go study with big groups, and I am better off to be at home when I need to be productive. The fact that everything I do has to be with someone else besides the few minutes I spend in my car a week is overwhelming to say the least. I have found that I thrive off of independence, and I need my “me time.” I understand learning to live with others is an essential lesson to learn, but being able to shower without seeing someone else would be nice.
I am a homebody.
Like previously stated, I have never been one to hang out with my friends all the time, but I had always blamed this on my busy schedule. Now that every single hour of my day is not consumed, and I have free weekends, I have realized how valuable time with my family is. Even though I am busy, I find time in every week to see my parents and brothers. Whether that be at a game for a couple hours or staying at home for the weekend, I have found that I am the purest version of myself when I am around even the slightest slice of home. Even for the few days when my friends were home for fall break, I felt so much like myself which was so refreshing. For years, saying “yes” wasn’t an option. It was always a “Sorry, I have dance.” Now that I have a bit of freedom in my schedule, I have found power in saying “no.” Sticking to my values and beliefs has been a huge part of developing my character in college.
Charlie has always been my sense of continuity and security.
Every night for three years, I have fallen asleep after talking to Charlie on FaceTime. No matter how busy my day was or how much had went wrong, I knew that I had him at the end of the day. I never realized the value of that constant aspect in my life until it wasn’t constant anymore. I am very fortunate to be able to talk to Charlie as much as I do, but not knowing when I will have time to talk to him makes me so sad. I hate feeling distant with him and knowing that my schedule is standing between us makes me feel so guilty. I now live for weekends at home when I can come home to talk to Charlie all night long.
I don't have it all figured out.
When I finally chose my college, I thought I would never have to feel uneasy or unsure regarding my education decisions ever again. I was so happy that I FINALLY had my life together, and I could unsubscribe from all of the other college’s emails. Think again, sister. At first, I was so emotional from leaving Charlie and moving away all in the same week that I didn’t allow myself to settle down at school. While I love all the people I have met, I have never truly felt at peace with my decision. I don’t know if it is because of how convenient it is for me to be home or if it really isn’t the place for me. While I know there is that daunting statistic about how 54% (or something like that) of college students don’t graduate from the school they started at, I thought I had it all figured out and that this would be my forever home. The past week has been very eye-opening for me. I realized the true reason behind my decision. When I chose my college, I knew they didn’t really have a program that could fulfill my dreams of working in the social media marketing field. While I am technically a communications major, upon looking at the course catalog, I realized that this program isn’t exactly what I want. I could hit myself for knowing this going in, but to be honest, I was the farthest away from myself at the point in time that I made my college decision. I was in the lowest emotional and mental state that I have ever been in, and because of this, I chose the school where I felt comfortable. I didn’t care about the major. Now that I am out of that and I can think more logically, I am starting to realize how much I would appreciate having a major that is catered more towards what I want to do than just a broad communications degree. I am currently juggling following my heart and staying where I am comfortable and love and following my head and pursing an education that fits my needs a little better.
School is not the only place where I have potential.
In the course of these changes, I have realized the potential that I have as an individual. I have a platform (my YouTube channel) that I am extremely passionate about. Everything is there for me - a following, loyal subscribers, knowledge about marketing myself, etc. - and all I need to do is stick to it. Throughout my first term in college, I have received a tremendous amount of support for my YouTube channel from people I barely know. This was such a shock for me as I always felt judged and embarrassed about it in high school. If I could continue to create and do what I love, it could take me somewhere. The problem is I have put all of my creative platforms on the back burner because I didn’t see them as a productive way to success. In reality, it could really be my guide to opening doors that could change my life. With that being said, it is time for me to prioritize and do what makes ME happy. I am hoping that by sharing this on my blog, it will hold me accountable.
Here’s to loving myself more, creating more, sharing more, and doing me a little more to end this semester!
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”