I don’t know what I want to do with my life
There. I said it.
I, Sydney Hembrough, top 5% of my class, accepted to several colleges, always one step ahead of the game, has no clue what I want to do with my life. And chances are, you might not either. Here I am to tell you why that is, indeed, okay.
It isn't that I am unprepared or that I procrastinated in this whole "growing up" process. I have been living on college websites since the summer before my junior year. I also have a pretty good idea of what I want to be, but here's the problem: it isn't a direct path, four-year degree satisfying sort of thing.
My interests have been all over the place. I started my college search with the idea that I wanted to get as far away from this place as possible. My dream was to attend a college in Florida, and at one point in England (that one was, unsurprisingly, quickly shut down by my parents). As the months got closer, I realized that I couldn't go that far away. I think that I would do fine because I am a very social, self-driven person, but with my six-year-old brother just starting all of the fun "firsts," I don't want to be the sister that he forgets he has.
I decided to look at schools closer to home, within a of 3-4 hours radius because I hate driving. I encountered a rude awakening when I fell in love with a $56,000-a-year school. My family makes enough to support all of us, but that is the problem: financial aid isn't going to help me much. Nevertheless, $56,0000 a year is WAY too much to be spending on your first of four children to go to school. After not receiving an interview for a huge scholarship, I saw that as a sign that God wasn't calling me to that school, even if I did love everything about it.
This felt like I was back to square one. Ever since then, I have been on the hunt for schools that have similar qualities to my "dream school." If falling in love with a far-fetched school taught me anything, it was that I realized what was truly important to me. I realized that I wanted to go to a small school because of the personalized education and attention. I also quickly found out that it was pretty much useless to look at schools outside of my price range because I would ultimately be let down.
This rejection experience made me take a step back and evaluate what I really wanted to do, not what others wanted to see me doing. For many weeks after getting the news that I didn't get the interview, I questioned whether or not I actually wanted to go to a four-year university. I know, this seems wayyyy out of my character, and the fact that I even considered this scared me out of my mind. I looked into online schools, schools closer to home, and even into the possibility of being a flight attendant and attending online college. I guess going to a big university so far away was just something that I always thought I had to do. It is not that I don't value the education a bachelor's degree gives you because I think that is extremely important in remaining financially stable, but I honestly couldn't see myself sitting in a classroom for four more years. I probably will, but I don't know in what way quite yet, and that is why I am writing this.
I have done a lot of self-reflection in the past month. I realized that I do not have to have a clear path like some of my friends have already secured in fields that are promising such as the medical or engineering fields. While those careers are quite promising, that is not me. I want to study people. I want to work with social media. I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to do something that I want to do. I am not sure how or where I will do this, but I have found peace in knowing that I will eventually figure out where I am suppose to be. Right now, I feel like I am drowning in a pool of possibilities and self-doubt, but I will not let this define me or my choices.
I hope I can be voice of reason to those of you who also do not know where your path is leading you. It can be a scary feeling, I know, but putting your trust into the One that created us is a good start. When we try to force our self-created plans, we are bound to fail. After watching this whole thing unfold in front of my eyes, I have realized that as much as I want it to be, it isn't all in my control. Resting in the fact that His plan with ALWAYS be greater than the one I have for myself has given me a different perspective - one that I hope to keep in mind throughout my lifetime.
So, please stay tuned for part two of this series called "Sydney Figures Out Her Life." Hopefully it isn't too far away.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”